Redirection – the Art of not Feeling/Dealing

Emotional Redirection
Emotional redirection is used to mask our true emotions since those are more difficult to deal with.

My wife caught me redirecting.

Biofuel Research Paper I’ve been pretty good at dealing with my feelings lately and catching potential problems and Feeling and Dealing with emotions. Every-so-often, something slips through and I get triggered.

source site What I mean by “triggered” is something happens in the present that sets off alarm bells from the past. The best way to explain this involves something happening when my brain is brought back to a point in my childhood along with the emotions I had in the past.  This sets my brain in an emotional state in my past while I’m experiencing the present moment.

source link In this case, I came home and was disappointed that my wife didn’t do something for me. Before this disappointment, I was feeling some great happiness because I got a new toy I’ve always wanted.  Now with this mixture of happiness followed by disappointment triggered me back to my past when I had the same emotions except things went fro okay to bad with no normal explanation for my young brain to figure out.

So now, my emotional state is that of extreme fear.  Something really bad is about to happen to me. I was happy, and now I’m disappointed.  These emotions usually followed me getting in trouble and spanked.

http://royalsoftwaredeals.com/product/microsoft-mappoint-2006-europe/ I was in extreme fear mode.  I had to divert attention away from me before I get in trouble and spanked (see, my mind’s in the past – adults needn’t fear spankings).  Someone is getting spanked and it’s not going to be me.  This is when I am most deceitful because I’m in a life or death struggle to not get spanked.

http://www.sgomentocomics.com/master-dissertationswriting-a-masters-dissertation-uk/ By the way, this is all in hindsight.  Now that I’m out of this mode, I can look back and understand my mindset was in the past.  There is no father figure that will spank me.  I’m not a little kid who’s in fear of his life because he’ll get a spanking.

If, at that moment, you asked me if I was having a problem, I would flat out deny anything was wrong.  You see, if I actually admitted I was having a problem, then I would surly be in trouble and the world would truly come to an end for me (again, I’m in my shadow world or living in a past emotion).

This is when I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wife who I’ve come to trust. She is strong and aware enough to recognize when I’m in this shadow. I trust her enough that no matter what’s going on in my head/world, she can just say:

  • I think there’s something you need to deal with.
  • You seem to be having problems.
  • Something’s not right.

There are definitely times when I go kicking and screaming that nothing’s wrong (which is a sure sign that my emotions are in the past). At this point, I have to feel it and deal with it.

Feeling and Dealing

Touching EmotionsIf you read my posts up to this point, then you have an understanding of my emotional process.

  1. I have some experience that triggers a past memory/emotion that is hard to deal with.
  2. In a “knee jerk” reaction, I stuff/squash that memory/emotion.
  3. Later, this memory/emotion makes it’s way to the surface and I am set off.
  4. My wife (or myself) notices I am having a problem.
  5. I feel and deal with my stuffed/squashed memory/emotion.

Today, I am focusing on #5 and my process of feeling and dealing with my emotions.

Scary Memory/Emotion

For me, my emotions are the scariest things in the world. They involve fear and pain like a terrified child who wakes up in the middle of the night from a fierce dream only to find him completely trapped dark and scarier bedroom. A fear that hopelessly cries in terror with no response.

When these emotions surface, I have 2 options:

  • Squash or stuff it.
  • Feel it and Deal with it

Throughout my entire life, I have squashed these feelings.  This has always been a temporary fix that just leads to more hurt feelings.  I have found when I squash my feelings, I cannot tolerate others having feelings.

If I’m feeling jealous, I will squash that feeling of jealously.  If there are others around me like my wife and kids.  If they express feelings such as joy or happiness, my first painful feeling is more jealousy.  After all, how can they feel joy when I am trying to squash my feelings.  How dare they!

You can image this leading to more hurt feelings and me yelling at my wife and kids to shut them down.  Even make them feel the way I do to justify my feelings.

Feel it

The best way to truly end this horrible feeling is to feel it. In someways, this feeling has surfaced (since it’s presented itself in #4). In another way, I am truly trying to stuff it and not see it. Because it is so scary, I fight this feeling with all my will power not to see it.

To finally own this feeling, I have to find it and uncover it. I do this through writing. With writing, I find it is a safe way to express a feeling. I can write some pretty horrible stuff on paper and it won’t effect anyone. I can write my deepest and darkest anger and nobody will get hurt.

What is really great about writing, is you know when you hit the feeling. In my writing, I find myself skirting around he emotion until I hit it. Then the emotional floodgates erupt. The wave of emotions you have been holding back let go and it’s an emotional release that is physically and emotionally powerful.
The bigger the emotion, the more powerful the experience.

Deal with it

Once I find and experience the emotion with the physical and emotional release, I can now deal with that emotion. Along with the emotions comes memories and background. I experience the moment that triggered these emotions. I have to reassure myself these emotions are in the past and things have changed. I am an adult. I cannot change the past, but I can make things better now.

Warnings

Make sure you are in a safe place. I have an understanding with my wife when I have this emotions, I say, “I have something to deal with.” Then I goto our bedroom and lock the door. This is my safe place. I am not to come out until I have felt the feeling. If I get emotionally worked up, and then have to come out and deal with anything, it could be disastrous.

Make sure you have a safe place and an understanding that you’re dealing with some tough emotions. Interruptions won’t go well.

Also, most of the time, in dealing with my emotions, there is always these thoughts:

  • This is so stupid
  • What a lame emotion
  • These are childish emotions

Well of course their stupid, lame, and childish emotions.  These are usually deep emotional wound that have not been dealt with and need to be.  Do not judge the emotions.  Just write them down.  By labeling these emotions, it’s an attempt to squash/stuff it.  Don’t!  Otherwise, you’ll be dealing with it again.

Feel It!

Deal with it!

Move on!