Redirection – the Art of not Feeling/Dealing

Emotional Redirection
Emotional redirection is used to mask our true emotions since those are more difficult to deal with.

I Need Help With My Us History Homework My wife caught me redirecting.

go to link I’ve been pretty good at dealing with my feelings lately and catching potential problems and Feeling and Dealing with emotions. Every-so-often, something slips through and I get triggered.

What I mean by “triggered” is something happens in the present that sets off alarm bells from the past. The best way to explain this involves something happening when my brain is brought back to a point in my childhood along with the emotions I had in the past.  This sets my brain in an emotional state in my past while I’m experiencing the present moment.

In this case, I came home and was disappointed that my wife didn’t do something for me. Before this disappointment, I was feeling some great happiness because I got a new toy I’ve always wanted.  Now with this mixture of happiness followed by disappointment triggered me back to my past when I had the same emotions except things went fro okay to bad with no normal explanation for my young brain to figure out.

click here So now, my emotional state is that of extreme fear.  Something really bad is about to happen to me. I was happy, and now I’m disappointed.  These emotions usually followed me getting in trouble and spanked.

I was in extreme fear mode.  I had to divert attention away from me before I get in trouble and spanked (see, my mind’s in the past – adults needn’t fear spankings).  Someone is getting spanked and it’s not going to be me.  This is when I am most deceitful because I’m in a life or death struggle to not get spanked. By the way, this is all in hindsight.  Now that I’m out of this mode, I can look back and understand my mindset was in the past.  There is no father figure that will spank me.  I’m not a little kid who’s in fear of his life because he’ll get a spanking.

If, at that moment, you asked me if I was having a problem, I would flat out deny anything was wrong.  You see, if I actually admitted I was having a problem, then I would surly be in trouble and the world would truly come to an end for me (again, I’m in my shadow world or living in a past emotion).

This is when I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wife who I’ve come to trust. She is strong and aware enough to recognize when I’m in this shadow. I trust her enough that no matter what’s going on in my head/world, she can just say:

  • I think there’s something you need to deal with.
  • You seem to be having problems.
  • Something’s not right.

There are definitely times when I go kicking and screaming that nothing’s wrong (which is a sure sign that my emotions are in the past). At this point, I have to feel it and deal with it.

Downfall of Improvement

Emotional FodderThere’s something to be said about trouble emotions.

The are great fodder for topics to write on.

I understand now how artists find their muse from their emotional turmoil raging inside them.  When I’m having emotional problems, I just throw-up my emotions in word form and I can come up with posts without much effort.

Now that I’ve improved my feeling and dealing with my emotions, I have less torment to blog about.

I do have pages and pages journaling my emotional progress (or problems).  I’ll have to bust those out for inspiration.

Hardened Heart

Something I noticed the other day that came to me during done reading I’ve been doing on the saints (Saint John of the Cross and Saint Teresa of Avila). I have a hardened heart.

You might ask what is a hardened heart? This is a heart that doesn’t take pleasure in anything. It’s a heart that isn’t allowed to experience joy .

I do understand the concept of pleasure is and joy. I understand there are times when I should be experiencing these emotions. When these emotions happened to me, I would acknowledge as an outside observer and never accept these feelings of pleasure and joy.

Hardened Heart
Accepting your own emotions allows your heart to feel again.

With a hardened heart, it was like someone giving me a cookie that I would graciously receive, but never allow myself to eat due to some twisted sense of unworthiness.

With my hardened heart, I was unable to receive these freely given pleasure and joy. As if my heart was encrusted in a rock shell that protected it from damage it received in the past.

Recently, I realized my heart had this rock shell surrounding it. I didn’t really know (or want to know) how to break my heart free.

When you have a tough steak, there is a special mallet used to bat the steak to tenderize it.

All my emotional situations have become perfect ways to tenderize my hardened heart. For the last week, whenever I had an emotional problem, I used those moments to breakaway the rock surrounding my heart.

It has been a painful process, but I would imagine such a process would be painful. After all, anytime there is growth, there is always some pain involved.

With my tender heart, I am beginning to finally enjoy some pleasurable moments.