Emotional Strength

I always thought I was presented with emotional situations as a torment in my life. Every time I find myself in an emotionally jealous situation, I feel in a bottomless pit of despair. Some part of me aches for a reason I’m put in this situation.

During my morning walk, the true reason came to me.

All of these situations I deal with are strengthening my emotional health in some way. With each of these emotional episodes, I find them a little easier to handle than before.

Emotional Strength
Emotional moments are just opportunities to strengthen our emotional muscles.

When I find I’m having problem with my emotions, I feel set back in the moment. As if all the work I’ve been doing for the past 10 years has been for naught. After I feel and deal with my emotions, I realize my emotional outbursts weren’t as bad as previous times.

It’s like I’m going through a training program to improve my emotional strength. As if there is some future emotional triathlon that I need to train for.

I would imagine if someone saw the patience I now have with my family and emotions, they would think I’m some kind of emotional super hero. I’d just say, I have had some good training so far, but I do have my bad days (just like everybody else).

Love as a Weapon

Love as a Weapon
Love as a Weapon

Our marriage group (Retrouvaille) meets once a month. At these meetings, we talk about our strengthening our relationship as a married couple.

The topic revolved around our loving relationship and how we appreciate each other. During this discussion, I realized I use love as a weapon. This sounds impossible since love is an emotion involved with giving yourself to the other. Love isn’t associated with weapons or war.

Leave it to me to find a way to use an emotion related to beauty and selfless kindness and turn it into a weapon.

Yes, I can give my love freely when I please. I can love my family unconditionally.

However, once I have a problem with my family from jealousy, I can withhold my love. I can make them feel unloved until they make up for my jealous emotions. This is not impossible since my jealously is based in past experiences. My family in the present cannot resolve problems from my past.

Instead of using my love as a weapon. I must stop and figure out why I’m trying to hurt my family through withholding my love and deal with that. I need to figure out why I’m in my emotional shadow. Once I realize I’m in-shadow, I need to feel and deal with my past.

I don’t know where the towels go.

I don't know where the towels go.
I don’t know where the towels go.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”
“I don’t know where the towels go.”
“I don’t know where the towels go.”
“I don’t know where the towels go.”

That’s what I hear in my head every-time I look at our dinning room table. The dinning room table is heaped with the clothes from 3 boys and 2 adults. Some of it is sectioned off according to the person it belongs to. Some of it is communal clothes like towels.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

That’s what I hear in my head every-time I look around our house at the dirty clothes lying around waiting to be gathered and put in the laundry system we have at the house. This system consists of one hamper for darks, one hamper for colors, one hamper for whites, and one hamper for reds. Most of these hampers are empty.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

That’s what I hear in my head every-time I step over clothing to get to my bed at night. The low inner nagging voice that’s constantly reminding me there’s something big and scary waiting to jump out and not kill me, but cause me great physical pain and humiliation.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

I just try to ignore these words, but a constant concept that I’m reminded of all the time. These constant words taunt me only to remind me of the despair I am stuck with.

One of my jobs is the laundry in the house. Two of the last three weekends involved my family camping. With camping comes the mountains of dirty clothes that has accumulate from:

  • The week leading up to the trip because we’re focusing on packing and having “camping” clothes.
  • The previous laundry loads that was piling up.
  • The actually clothes we used during camping.
  • The backup of clothes that turns into a mountain once all the camping clothes are washed.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

You see, in our house, we don’t actually have a spot for the towels. We kinda have some places where they go, but nothing defined. If I put them there, it kinda adds to the laundry mess. I’m also waiting for something scary, painful and humiliating to happen, so there’s no need to spark that into happening.

In essence, the whole “laundry machine” comes to a screeching halt.

With the halt of the “laundry machine”, the downfall of the whole tidy house system falls apart. It’s too monumentous to restart again. Also, if I just ignore it, maybe it’ll go away and things can restart on their own.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

I try to restart the “laundry machine” it might break for good never to be restarted again. I can try to restart this “laundry machine” quietly once I give it sometime to calm down. Did I also mention I’m deftly afraid of the scary thing waiting to jump out and cause my great physical harm and humiliation?

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

So when my loving wife sees that the “laundry machine” has stopped, she does come up with some great ideas to restart the machine. She makes some great suggestions like we should just take it all to the laundromat and get it all done.

“I don’t know where the towels go.”

She doesn’t hear the constant voice reminding me of my failure. The voice that points to an impending doom wrapped up in pain and humiliation. She doesn’t feel the feeling of terror that is just around the corner if she wakes the monster. It’s a monster waiting to pounce and renders his destruction and terror on all that is around when things aren’t done.

I then become the monster I fear. I become the terror, painful, and humiliating person I fear most.

What should I do?

Stop ignoring the voice. Recognize the fear I have. The fear I have is from my past. A time when I was terrified of having to clean up with no hope of an end. The painful and humiliating moments when I failed at a task I didn’t know how to finish. That fear was brought to the present moment. I projected that terror on my current family life. That terror was imposed on my happy family. A terror from my past that I now have control over if I give up that control to the follow site F http://bienestar.uniguajira.edu.co/homework-helpers-chemistry-pdf/ alse E vidence A http://tahupac.org/zizek-essays-online/ ppearing R http://mayneislandmusic.ca/dissertations-and-thesis-proquest/ eal.

I’m a man with my own family setting my own rules. No need to live it the past. I can become the monster I fear or I can take ownership of my life.

I know where the towels go. They go where I want them to.

Emotions of Fear

Emotions from FearAs true men, we have emotions that stem from everything thing I do. Daily life of family and work can create situations ripe for emotions to flourish.

Of the emotions I experience, I find them fitting into 2 main categories. These categories color my emotions. The categories also reveal the undercurrents my emotions have. By understanding which category my emotions land in, I can better understand where these emotions are rooted and point to the underlying properties that sparked these emotions.

At our basic and simplest emotional level, we have 2 categories of emotions. When we boil down our emotions to it’s core feeling, they ultimately involve:

  • Fear
  • Love

As you can understand if you’ve been following my emotional progress, I will experience an emotional outburst that disrupts my life. Once I realize I’m having an emotional problem, I examine the emotions I’ve experienced and explore the reasons behind them. Once I reflect on bases of my emotions, I can trace them back to either Fear, Love, or both.

Lets examine emotion from Fear.

Fear

Fear is the most powerful emotion in our arsenal of feelings. It’s a primitive reaction that preserves our lives by preventing us from doing things that will cause us harm.

When my emotions arise out of fear I shutdown to all other emotions. The fearful emotions overwhelm all other emotions and leave me with only this base threat.

Most of the time, these fearful emotions are just knee jerk reactions. Sometimes these emotions are an auto-response emotion. I don’t want to deal with the underlying emotion that is too painful to handle at the time

Only when I take a step back and reflect on the feelings can I really understand the true nature behind the emotion.

Sadness

The feeling of sadness is an emotion resulting in loss. With loss, I am afraid of never having what I want. Losses can revolve around stature, hope, trust, health, life, or companionship.

Sadness can come from grief, dread, or grieving.

Dread

The emotion of dread is not just a fear I have. Dread is an emotion that stems from a known fear that you must face. Dread is the knowledge of having to face your worst fear.

Panic

A panic attack is like having a mini heart attack. Panic attacks are serious events that are impossible to understand if they haven’t been felt, which is why those that have experienced a panic attack often live in fear of experiencing another one.

Anxiety

All of us feel some anxiety from stress, such as nervousness or butterflies before a date or job interview.

This anxiety is a normal part of daily life and the “fight or flight” response to stress. It can even motivate us do our best or solve problems and make changes in our lives. For many people, however, anxiety and panic attacks start interfering with daily life and activities. When this happens, it’s worth getting help. Anxiety disorders are common and treatable, and don’t have to control your life.

In my next blog post, I will explore the emotions that stem from Love.