In Shadow

I was triggered again.In Shadow

When I’m triggered, it seems like I’m back in the matrix. I don’t feel like myself. All hope is gone and there is nothing I can do to fix or make things better.

I refer to this as being “In Shadow” state.

Being “in shadow” is a state of mind that can be summarized as absolute terror. In a nightmare experience. Here’s where it gets tricky. You are awake, but there’s still a feeling of terror. All your senses seem to be alive and more heightened. It’s a state of fight or flight, but there’s nothing to run from.

It’s a state of panic.

I don’t like the term panic. Panic doesn’t seem to be a manly word to me. When I think of panic, I get images of:

  • Scared children
  • Women running
  • Wimps

I like the term, “in shadow” because that seems more mysterious to me. But I need to face facts. I get in a state of panic and I want to run in fear.

Either way you call it, it’s a state of “fight or flight” with nothing to “fight” nor “flight” from. This seems to be the ultimate problem. So far, I’ve had 2 reactions to this mode:

  1. Don’t react to anything. I’m in “fight” mode and anything perceived as a problem is really me looking for a fight. I want a fight so I can end this panic feeling. Of course, that just makes things worse.
  2. Feel it and deal with it. There is an underlying reason I’m being triggered. Find that reason and face it.

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