I was triggered again.
When I’m triggered, it seems like I’m back in the matrix. I don’t feel like myself. All hope is gone and there is nothing I can do to fix or make things better.
I refer to this as being “In Shadow” state.
Being “in shadow” is a state of mind that can be summarized as absolute terror. In a nightmare experience. Here’s where it gets tricky. You are awake, but there’s still a feeling of terror. All your senses seem to be alive and more heightened. It’s a state of fight or flight, but there’s nothing to run from.
It’s a state of panic.
I don’t like the term panic. Panic doesn’t seem to be a manly word to me. When I think of panic, I get images of:
- Scared children
- Women running
I like the term, “in shadow” because that seems more mysterious to me. But I need to face facts. I get in a state of panic and I want to run in fear.
Either way you call it, it’s a state of “fight or flight” with nothing to “fight” nor “flight” from. This seems to be the ultimate problem. So far, I’ve had 2 reactions to this mode:
- Don’t react to anything. I’m in “fight” mode and anything perceived as a problem is really me looking for a fight. I want a fight so I can end this panic feeling. Of course, that just makes things worse.
- Feel it and deal with it. There is an underlying reason I’m being triggered. Find that reason and face it.