Where do emotions start?

Where to begin?

Caution: Passive-Aggressive Ahead
I can not actually start at the beginning because I am not certain where it began.  I have an idea, but I don’t think I can nail it down.

I think this will be more like painting a picture.  With a painting, It’s difficult to find where the artist started, but in the end, you can see the whole image.

Let’s start with a big brush.  I am a passive aggressive personality type.  I learned how to deal with my emotions in a passive way.  I truly fear my emotions, so I use passive means for my emotions to come out.

How does this workout?

Since I fear my emotions, I fear all emotions.  That means good and bad emotions.  I have learned how to live without the good emotions to avoid the bad ones. If I let myself feel the emotion of joy, I am opening myself up to other emotions like disappointment. I don’t know how to handle disappointment, so I just don’t feel joy.

Also, since I fear emotions, nobody near me can have their emotions. When my boy have an exciting time playing outside, I get mad at them and crush their spirits. After all, I couldn’t be happy and giddy, what right do they have?

This normally would workout great for me, except I am married. I am married to a woman who does not fear her feelings. She lives with them daily.

Thus, I am forced to deal with mine feelings, or not be married.

Talk about scary!

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