SeriousManWith a passive aggressive personality, I do not like my emotions.  My emotions are scary and I do not know how to deal with them.  My emotions seem to always get in the way of me enjoying my life.  After all, how can I be happy if I have sad emotions?

I tend to repress my emotions, but this only works to a certain extent with my emotions.  At one point, my emotions makes their way out to surfacing one way or another.

Surfacing Emotions

No matter how hard I try to repress my emotions, they always bubble out to the surface when I least expect it.

I am reminded of when Ambassador Sarek was afflicted with the Bendii Syndrome at the age of 201. Like Alzheimer’s Disease for Vulcans. All his repressed emotions came blasting to the surface.  This is how emotions surface for me1.

CryingManWhen these emotions surface, I find my need to disguise them into my reality.  Otherwise, I will be forced to confront then (and of course I cannot confront my emotions).  I accomplish this by projecting my emotions on others.  Here’s how it actually happens.

  1. Repressed emotion.  A repressed emotion is triggered by a situation.   How about a mother’s rejection.  That’s always a good festering emotional pain I have.
  2. here click Wallow.  Once the emotion is triggered, to bring it to it’s fullest effect, I have to wallow in all the emotional pain.  Just like the Whos calling out, “WE ARE HERE,” to be heard and recognized.
  3. Find someone safe.  There is always someone safe to use.  After all, since they love you, they are willing to participate in your emotions.  If they truly loved you, they will understand.  My wife is someone who I feel safe with.  She will not hurt me intentionally, so she is the perfect candidate for my projections2.
  4. get link Project.  Take that emotional pain that has wallowed up inside you and project the cause onto person found in #3.  Make them truly feel your hurt that is very real to you from your wallowing in #2.

Kind of twisted to task someone who feels safe and project such horrible emotions.  Here’s another example:

  1. source url Find repressed emotion.  I was taught to fear my father or get spanked.
  2. Wallow.  Take that emotion and really feel the fear I had.  Relish in the little boy feeling of getting spanked for some unknown reason.
  3. Find someone safe.  How about my kids.  They are really safe.  They can not even fight back.  They are always getting in trouble, so they will be an easy target.
  4. Project.  They did something bad and they need to feel the fear I felt as a kid.  They better cower in fear.  I am talking about fetal position in the corner fear.

Not Condone

I understand this is disturbing behavior and I do not condone any of it in any way.  This is more of an understanding on how and why projection happens.


In the steps 1-4, projection does not surface until #4.  I am married to a wonderful woman who can detect when I am projecting in #4.  I would like to get to the point where I catch this behavior at steps 1, 2, and 3, but that has not happened yet.

When I am called on this behavior, I can easily repress it.  Repression is not the solution because it will just resurface elsewhere.  The true way to prevent this from happening again is to feel the emotion.

In my next post, I will write about how I feel and deal with these emotions.

1 In no way am I trying to equate myself with Ambassador Sarek
2 Of course this is twisted logic to use and abuse someone you love.

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